


Untrustworthy doesn't mean unloved

by hopeless1665



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Carson being awesome, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rodney needs hugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:06:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4774703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless1665/pseuds/hopeless1665
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after episode "Trinity".  Its been several weeks since the destruction of the unnamed solar system and still no one seems to want to forgive Rodney (except Carson but Carson's awesome and was more disappointed then angry).  Rodney can't sleep, barely eats, and feels it would be better to leave.  Can John and the others realize their mistake before they lose their beloved hypochondriac or will they be too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been re-watching Stargate: Atlantis and I love Dr. McKay, he really just needs someone to love him. This is inspired by the episode "Trinity" and how I wish Sheppard and McKay would have hooked up!! This in no way, shape, or form reflects in anyway about how I view the actors. Also I don't own Stargate: Atlantis or anything to do with the show. If I did the series would have had an actual ending, just saying. 
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy if you like John/Rodney, if not why are you reading this?
> 
> Also, this is only my third story so if you see any mistakes, please let me know.

*One week after the destruction of the unnamed solar system*

Rodney walked quickly down the hallways of Atlantis, trying to type on his PDA while avoiding the people also walking in the hallway who seemed to be going out of their way to bump into him. He brushed it off as his mind playing tricks on him and continued towards the cafeteria. It was well passed lunch time but he had been so engrossed in his work that he hadn't realized the time until he started to shake while trying to figure out how to better conserve power for the ZPM. He had looked around the lab and was surprised to notice how empty it was. It had struck him as odd that no one had tried to inform him that it was lunch time but decided at the time that they had taken note of how intensely he was working and decided to leave him to it.

As he exited the transport and was about to enter the cafeteria doors he bumped into yet another body.

Rodney didn't bother looking up and muttered an apology while trying to move passed the person he had bumped into. He was shocked when a hand suddenly grabbed his left arm and threw him back against the wall beside the transporter. He looked up to see three military personel all giving him the stink eye. Rodney straightened up and throw a glare at them.

"What the hell's a matter with you?! I said I was sorry! I was in the middle of some very delicate calculations and..."

Rodney was cut off as his PDA was grabbed from his hands by one of the military men (Thompson his nametag read) who proceeded to throw it to the ground. Rodney cried in outrage and moved toward Thompson when the other two (James and Lucas) grabbed his arms and held him back. Rodney struggled but felt the air leave his lungs as Thompson punched him in the gut. James and Lucas released his arms and he fell to the floor, clutching his stomach as Thompson sneered at his weakness. "Next time watch where your going Dr. Know-it-all," Thompson and the two other men walked over Rodney's body and entered the transporter, "Oh, and don't bother reporting this to Col. Sheppard, I don't think he would care to hear about how you verbally attacked me and my friends here because of a little misunderstand."

Rodney heard the doors close and after waiting a few more moments to catch his breath, he picked himself off the floor and went to pick up his tablet. He sighed in relief as he saw no damage to it. He tensed as the doors to the transport opened once more but relaxed when he heard the familiar Scottish voice of the resident Chief Medical officer.

"Hi laddy. You on your way to the mess as well?"

Rodney turned to face his friend and relaxed at Carson's open expression. "Well, considering that it is well passed the time to eat lunch, and yet no one thought to inform me of this, yes, I am here to eat."

Carson chuckled at Rodney's tone, knowing not to take the tone to heart. "Well then, mind if I join you? We got a wee bit busy and I'm just taking a quick break before heading back."

Rodney nodded and the two proceeded to enter the cafeteria. They quickly grabbed trays and piled food onto their plates before looking around for a place to sit. Rodney noticed John, Teyla, and Ronon and motioned for Carson to follow him. He walked to the table the three were sitting at and sat down without looking up at the three. Carson sat down beside him more slowly as he noticed the sudden guarded expression all three of the warriors wore.

Rodney remained oblivious and proceeded to complain to his friends, "Well gee, thanks for inviting me. No, no, its okay. Just let the guy who regularly saves your asses starve and go into hypoglycemic shock." He started to stuff his face when he began to notice the tense silence in the air. He looked up and saw how all three of his friends were looking at him. He saw Carson give them a confused look out of the corner of his eye but kept his glaze on his friends. 

Suddenly, John stood up, "Well, would you look at the time, if you would excuse us, Teyla, Ronon, and I have a mission briefing in a few minutes and need to get going." 

Teyla and Ronon stood up to follow. Rodney gave them a confused look, "Mission briefing? I thought we weren't scheduled for any off world missions for a while?"

Carson watched the interacting of SGA-1 but stayed silent, hoping that his instincts were wrong about the feelings coming from the soldiers. John spoke coldly, "No, your not scheduled for any missions. Were going to some near by planet to try and set up some more trading posts. We don't really need you for this mission. Now if you'll excuse us, we're gonna be late for the briefing." The three walking out without a glance back.

Rodney felt like he had been slapped in the face. The words 'don't really need you' kept ringing in his ears. He felt a hand clasp his shoulder and turned to see Carson giving him a kind smile. "Don't worry about them, laddy. Their probably just stressed from all the recent events. Give it a few days and everything will be back to normal."

Rodney smiled back weakly and went back to his food. He ate slowly and after only a few more bites didn't feel as hungry as he thought. He pushed his tray away and listened to Carson prattle on about some of his most recent patients. If Carson noticed his silence or behavior toward his food he stayed quiet and Rodney was grateful for it. He had a lot on his mind. Some how, he felt like everything was gonna get a lot worse. No one had mentioned what had happened a week ago in the unnamed solar system but Rodney was beginning to think that no one had truly forgotten nor forgiven him for it.


	2. The Loniness You Never Notice (Until You Do)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and the kudos. I'm glad you all enjoyed the first chapter, this chapter is two weeks after the destruction and things aren't getting any better. So enjoy and don't worry, when this is all over Rodney will be much happier but for now, join the dark side! We have cake!

*Two weeks after the destruction* 

Rodney sighed for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour. He had been staring at the same set of equations for an hour and still hadn't made any progress determining what they were. Rodney turned his head to look around his empty lab. After the events last week and how his team treated him he began to notice that no one seemed to want to be any where near him. John would call for Zelenka if he need help fixing something, Elizabeth would radio for Kavangh if she wanted help, and the other scientist just plain out avoid looking at him. After noticing all this he decided it might be better to move to an isolated lab, not so far as to be unreachable but he hoped that they would notice after a while that he was missing and how much they did need him. After all, he was the smartest man in two galaxies.

At least, that's what Rodney kept telling himself. He hadn't felt much like a genius since the destruction of the solar system. If he was being honest, yes, he was an ass, but that was because he had honestly thought he could handle it. Rodney had felt anger that no one believed enough in him to let him at least try. If he could have gotten it to work then they stood a real chance of defeating the wraith. He would never have to fear Atlantis falling into their life- sucking hands or of John once again going on another suicide mission. 

'John,' Rodney thought sadly. His posture slummed as he thought of the handsome Lt. Col. who was no longer speaking to him. He thought if anyone would have understood his motivations it would have been the man who hated the wraith possibly more than anyone else on Atlantis, well, maybe not more than Ronon but still...

'And I let him down. John vouched for me and what did I do? I yelled at everyone who tried to help and almost killed myself and the head of military. Some genius I am.'

Just as his thought were turning dark once more his lab doors opened. Rodney quickly turned around, hoping against hope that it would be John, Zelenka, hell, even Ronon would have sufficed for company. He hadn't realized how lonely he was until no one would stand his presents for more than 5 minutes. Who he saw left him disappointed. It was only Kavanagh who had probably come to gloat about his failer...again.

Kavanagh glanced around the room before letting his eyes rest on Rodney. His eyes held a deep seeded satisfaction at seeing how far his rival had fallen. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen. How are things McKay? I'm just dropping by to inform you that I'm going off world and can't be reached for quite a while."

Rodney felt a coldness begin to envelope his chest but suppressed his reaction and sneered, "As if we need a two-bit scientist. What poor team was assigned to you and when do you go off world for anything?"

Kavanagh smirked, "Two-bit? Really now McKay, there's no need to resort to such Neolithic tactics such as name calling. I'm only letting the Head of Science know that I'm leaving with SGA-1 at approximately 1400. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a field expedition to pack for."

Kavanagh left with a hop in his step but Rodney hardly noticed. The cold feeling expanded until Rodney thought his chest would exploded from the sensation. 'They-they really prefer Kavanagh, Kavanagh!, over me? But-but I thought we were a team? Sure, some things have changed since Ronon replaced Ford on our team but still...'

Rodney wanted to scream in frustration. He closed his eyes but took a deep and turned to try and get back to the problem that seemed to not want to give him answers when the doors to his lab opened once more. Rodney turned around, preparing to tell Kavanagh off, when he saw it was Carson. Sweet lovely Carson who had a steaming mug of coffee and two plates of sandwiches with him. 

Carson smiled at his friend and hide his worry at the way things were going. He noticed the disheveled look of Rodney's clothes and the dark rings around his eyes but knew that if he pushed Rodney all he would receive is closed of responses. Carson had also noticed how distant Rodney was becoming, going as far as to move to an unoccupied lab and completely avoided to cafeteria if anyone of SGA-1 was there. Carson had taken to bring Rodney food at lunch and sitting with him if time permitted. 

Carson felt horrible at the treatment Rodney was receiving, sure, he had been disappointed at Rodney's need to be right, but he also understood that Rodney's main reason for trying so hard were so that they would have a weapon that could better protect the city and everyone Rodney held dear. Carson sighed mentally at the lack of understanding from all of their friends but made sure to keep his tone happy, for Rodney's sack. "Hiya Rodney. Thought I bring you lunch since I noticed that you weren't in the mess. Don't want the resident genius to faint because he decided that eat was for us wee mortal folk."

Rodney scowled but his tone had no bite, "Hello Dr. Voo-doo. Sorry, but find a solution to the problems of everything is not easy. Now give me the food, I'm about to pass out from hunger. And it is pass out, I don't faint."

Carson chuckled and handed one plate to Rodney as well as the mug of coffee. He pulled up a stool that he had brought the first time he brought Rodney lunch and they proceeded to eat their lunch in while Rodney complained about Kavanagh and his ridiculousness. Carson added a comment or two but allowed Rodney to unwind a bit, knowing that he was pretty much isolated. Carson felt some anger at the way their friends were treating Rodney and decided that after lunch he would go give them a good talking too.

Once they were both finished Carson took both plates and the empty mug, wished Rodney well, and exited with the promise of seeing him tomorrow. Rodney said good-bye and was once again alone. He sighed and returned back to work.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carson walked quickly to the Control room, wanting to catch Col. Sheppard's team before they left. He had be unset after learning that they were once again going on exploration missions but failing to include Rodney and even going as far as to replace him. Carson had taken an oath to never harm anyone but felt he might very well break that oath if John and the others failed to stop treating Rodney like he killed an entire planet. Sure, he blow up a solar system, but it was uninhabited and he had done it accidentally when trying to fix a weapon that they desperately needed. He had tried his best and yes, he argued and said somethings that he shouldn't have but nothing he had said was any worse than his usual barbs.

Carson jogged up the steps and saw Col. Sheppard's team exiting the conference room along with Dr. Weir and Dr. Kavanagh. He bristled at the seeing Kavanagh but chose to ignore him for now. 

"Col. Sheppard! Can I talk to you for a moment, please?"

"Can it wait doc? We have a mission that we're leaving for in thirty and we need to makes sure we're all set to go," John began to walk past Carson when his arm was grabbed in a tight grip. John snapped his head, never before had Dr. Beckett been forceful.

Carson looked nervous but didn't let go. "Apologizes Col. but it really is urgent."

John nodded, "Fine, just be quick."

"In private if possible."

John grunted and motioned toward the conference room. Carson entered first with John following quickly behind, the doors shutting with a thought from John, and then they were alone. John watched as Carson paced nervously for a moment then took a deep breath and turned to face him. 

"Col. Sheppard, why have you been ignoring Rodney? Why replace him with Kavanagh? Aye, he made a mistake, but that does not give you or anyone else the right to act as if he is as bad as the wraith. He said sorry and he did mean it even if it didn't seem like it. This is Rodney, the man who can figure out how a ZPM works and how to make it work better, but ask him to talk about his feelings and he lashes out. You and I both know how he can be. Now, please, explain why."

John turned away from the sad eyes of the good doctor. What was he suppose to say? That he forgave Rodney? That he had believe in Rodney and all he had received in return were looks from his men that spoke of their disbelief in how much their Col. had trusted the narcissistic, loud-mouth astrophysics and how it had cost them not only the weapon but a whole unexplored solar system? John felt betrayed and nothing Rodney or Carson said would change his mind.

"Look, I get that McKay is your pal, but he put the lived of myself and everyone in this galaxy in danger. Now if your prepared to forgive him, fine, but don't expect me or anyone else too," And with his piece said John commanded Atlantis to open her doors and he stormed out. 

Carson could only stare in disbelief and could only wonder, 'In danger? Rodney would soon eat every citrus fruit in Atlantis then place anyone in harms way. How the bloody hell could John even think otherwise.'

Carson had the same feeling that he had had in the cafeteria late week and he knew that things were just going to get worse.


	3. One is the loniest number, until there is none

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the reviews I have received, you are all wonderful, thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. The light will come, just be patient. Also I don't want anyone to be offended by any of the comments that are said by anyone. This is a fictional story and does not reflect my views on the mentally challenged, homosexuals, etc. God made everyone perfect even if we don't always believe that (expect for Kavanagh, he's just evil).
> 
> Enjoy!

*Three weeks after the destruction*

Rodney could officially say that the lab was his new home. All the times he joked that he was a part of his lab because everyone expected so much from him and now that it was true...well, Rodney wished it wasn't. He wanted to be back with his team. Exploring the unknown, solving the mysteries of the galaxy, and most of all, just being with people. The past several weeks had been a test of his endurance in patients, something he never in his life had a lot of. Things had gone from bad to worse after Carson had talked to John. After Carson's last visit Rodney decided to try and brave the mess for dinner. Big mistake.

*Flashback*

Rodney sighed for the hundredth time and once again looked at his watch. The number read eight o'clock and Rodney knew that if he didn't eat soon he would have a hypoglycemic attack. He had already eat all his emergency supplies and had made a dent in the last of his power bars. He decided that saving the last few power bars would be a better choice than skipping dinner again so with slight apprehension he left his lab and made his way to a transporter.

'So far so good. Maybe things are starting to look better.' Rodney smiled at the thought that maybe people were starting to forget what had happened. However, just as he was entering the transporter he felt someone grab him from behind. He yelped as he was thrown to the ground and his head slammed into the ground. He looked up from his spot on the floor and saw the same three military men from before surrounding him. Rodney felt a cold sweat take over his body at the looks the men were giving him. The old saying was true, if looks could kill he would have been dead ten times over.

Rodney gulped but managed to speak with some level of confidence, "Oh, it's you morons again. And how can I help Atlantis's mentally challenged today?"

Rodney could tell that this enraged them further but did not take back his comment. Thompson, who was standing to his left, kicked him in the side. Rodney cried out and rolled away, curling up in a fetal position at the sharp pain. Thompson, Lucas, and James just snickered at his pain. 

"Aww, does the poor doctor need help with his boo-boo's?" 

"Your just getting what you deserve, you stupid fag."

"You pathetic, aren't you? One little kick and your down for the count?"

Rodney tried to tune out their harsh statements, but this only led to them deciding that physical abuse brought them more pleasure then mental. They kicked him in the back, the legs, the arms, if he hadn't curled up and placed his arms around his head they probably would have attacked his stomach and head as well. After a couple of minutes they finally stopped and left him alone, but not before issuing him a warning.

"Next time you want to fuck around with a weapon, don't. And have your Scottish hound leave Col. Sheppard alone. He has a enough dealing with your mistakes without that hound barking in his ear," Thompson crouched down and whispered, "or next time you'll have an accident in your lab with your good friend and we'll be rid of twice nesciences."

Rodney heard them walked away and groaned as he tried to sit up. Their wasn't a place on him that didn't hurt. He had lost his appetite and decided that he needed to get checked out right away. He would report the men who had just assaulted him once again but knew that getting checked out right away would get Carson from trying to hunt down those some men who might really hurt the MD. Rodney slowly got up, and using the walls, slowly made his way to the infirmary.

*End Flashback*

Rodney had been right, Carson had wanted to go after the men and teach them a lesson about messing with his friend. Rodney had to play up his pain, not that it was hard to do, and Carson agreed to halt his search for the assaltents but only on the condition that Rodney let him document everything and send a detailed report to Sheppard. Rodney reluctantly agreed.

That had been a week ago and still John didn't so much as send an email inquiring what had transpired. Rodney had never felt so devastated.

'If I mean so little that John is willing to over look an assault by his men then what am I still doing here?'

Rodney knew the Daedalus would arrive in orbit in four days and stay for about four more to get proper updates, check for damage or repairs on the ship, and rotate personnel. Rodney had thought long and hard and decided that unless John showed some type of response to the assault on him he was going to put in the paperwork for a transfer back to SGC effective immediately. That way he could leave on the Daedalus and no one could call him a coward to him face. Rodney knew he would have to tell Carson before he left or else risk the doctor following him just to give him a tongue lashing in Gaelic.

'I-I really thought that this would be my home, that I had a family who cared...guess it just another lie the universal decided to throw at me.'

Rodney opened up a new screen to begin typing up his letter for reassignment. With a deep breath he began typing the letter he never wanted to write.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carson stared at his friend, hoping that there was a punch line he was missing yet again. Instead, all he received was a dead pined expression. 

"Wh-what are ye saying lad? Surely you don't mean that. Atlantis is your home. Y-you would never give it up," Carson wanted to yell and scream but years of dealing with patients had taught him that yelling and screaming would get him no where.

Rodney shook his head, "I wanted to believe that Atlantis could be the one place I belong but circumstances have shown that I'm no longer welcomed here. I'm sorry Carson but my minds made up. When the Daedalus arrives in four days I'm going to send Weir my letter and board the Daedalus before she can do anything."

Carson felt tears well up, "I'm going to miss you Rodney. You've become a very dear friend."

Rodney gave him a watery smile, "Thank you, I miss you too, Dr. Voo-doo. You're the first person I can truly call a best friend."

Carson made his way to Rodney and pulled him into a hug. Rodney couldn't hold back the wave of emotions that had been welling up for the past three weeks. He cried into Carson's shoulders and Carson could do nothing but hold him as his coat became soaked. After a few minutes, Rodney pulled back, still sniffling but only a stray tear or twice were left.

"S-sorry about that."

Carson shook his head, "No lad, you have nothing to be sorry for. If anyone should apologize its the people of this expedition. Just promise you'll stay in-touch. If you go holing yourself up somewhere I will come and find you."

Rodney laughed and agreed. Rodney knew Carson would make good on his threat and track him down if he didn't send a letter anytime he could. Rodney left Carson's office feeling lighter then he had in weeks. He still felt sad that he was once again being chased from his home but knew it was for the best. Rodney was startled as he was bumped into. He quickly shrank back, afraid it was his three assaulans again. He looked and saw it was only Teyla.

Rodney relaxed only slightly, he knew that she had taken John's side, and although she hadn't hurt him in anyway, he was still weary. Teyla on the other hand was in shock. Bruises littered Rodney's arms and she had seen how he flinched when she accidently bumped into him. "My apologizes Rodney. I was deep in thought and did not look at where I was going. How have you been? I have not seen you for some time."

Rodney wanted to laugh at the irony of her caring now, "It's fine. I should have looked too. I'm fine, never better. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my lab."

"Wait!" Teyla grabbed Rodney's shoulder, wanting to question him a bit more. She knew something was wrong and if she was honest with herself she should have been paying closer attention to her friend. She jumped back as Rodney yelped in pain at her grabbing his shoulder. He hunched over as pain shot down his arm. Teyla quickly called for help, "Carson, this is Teyla. I am not far from you and am bring Dr. McKay into you. It appears his left shoulder his in great pain."

Rodney wanted to protest but Teyla grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward the infirmary. Carson greeted them at the door and ordered Rodney to lay face down on the bed where the portable x-ray machine was. Rodney didn't put up a fight, he was in too much pain.

Teyla became more worried at Rodney's lack of complaint. She turned to Carson, hoping he would have an answer. "Dr. Beckett, what is wrong with Dr. McKay? His arms are covered with bruises and he flinched when we bumped into each other out in the hall."

Carson quickly set up the machine and moved to the computer to look at the damage. At Teyla's questions the little patients he had left snapped. In an anger whisper he told her, "Now you care? Three weeks of nothing and now you take an interest in Rodney. If you want an answer ask Col. Sheppard."

Carson turned away from her and ignored her. Teyla was stunned at Carson's brash attitude but knew she would only anger him further if she stayed. With one last glance at Rodney she left the infirmary, intent with finding John and finding out what was going on with her friend.


	4. What Do You Do When the Mistake Seems is Too Big?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and messages. It makes me so happy that people like my story. To answer some questions without giving too much away...Rodney will forgive John but it will take a lot of graveling, begging, and sucking up to get back on Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett's good sides. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Teyla moved quickly through Atlantis, trying to get to John as quickly as possible. She ignored everyone and everything around her as her mind tried to replay the last time she had been around or spoken to Rodney. She was stunned to learn that it had been several weeks since she last had any connect besides occasionally seeing him in the halls late at night. She was pulled from her thoughts as she slammed into another person. If not for the person catching her arm she would have fallen to the floor. 

Ronon was surprised at Teyla's lack of awareness. "Yo, what's the hurry? There a wraith somewhere I should know about?"

Teyla's eye snapped up to meet his and he was shocked at the intensity of the gaze. "Ronon, may I ask you a question? And please answer honestly."

Ronon had a feeling that he wasn't gonna like where this was going. "Sure."

"When was the last time you talked to Rodney?"

Ronon raised an eyebrow, "McKay? I talked to him on the last mi... No wait, it was... No, it must have been..." Ronon was slightly surprised that he couldn't recall the last time he had spoken with the Doc. Sure, they weren't best friends but McKay would come to him asking about the wraith if new data was found in the Atlantis achieves that the scientist in Atlantis could only guess at the meaning of. 

Teyla felt saddened to learn that Ronon had had no better luck recalling the last time he had spoken to their team scientist. "I see. I, too, cannot remember the last time I spoke to Rodney. I was on my way to speak with John as I bumped into Rodney in the halls and had to take him to the infirmary. He had bruises covering his arms and yelled when I touched his shoulder. What shocked me the most was that he went with no complaint and did everything that Dr. Beckett asked."

Ronon would never admit it but the fact that McKay willing went to a place he called 'the place of torment and torture' willingly had him a little worried. He might not have been in Atlantis long and McKay might be an annoying know-it-all at times but he had started to see him as part of his family along with John, Teyla, Elizabeth, and Carson. "Never a good thing when the little pest goes somewhere willingly."

Teyla nodded, "I agree. If you'll excuse me, I need to go and speak with John right away."

Teyla began to walk in the direction of John's office once more when she noticed Ronon following her. She met his gaze once more and saw the concern in his eyes. She knew he would never admit it and allowed him to follow without question. They arrived at John's office a few minutes later and were glad to see John inside working on paperwork. Teyla entered without knocking as John had told her over and over that as long as it wasn't a meeting (or at least a meeting with anyone important) she could enter whenever she wished. John looked up as his door slide open and was surprised to see Ronon and Teyla standing there with worry practically coming out of their pores.

"Okay, what happened? Who died? Are the wraith on their way again? Because I haven't heard anything from Elizabeth and Rodney said the deep space beckons were working just fine..."

John's worried increased when both his team mates flinched at Rodney's name. Teyla was the first to speak up, "John, when was the last time you spoke with Rodney?"

John scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "Last time I spoke with the brainiac? Hmm...I guess its been a while. Rodney seems to have locked himself in his lab according to all his minions."

Teyla and Ronon traded looks. Teyla spoke once more, "The reason I ask is I bumped into Rodney in the halls a few minutes ago and had to escort him to Carson after he showed signs of pain when I touched his shoulder," she left out the part of the bruises she saw on Rodney's arms. She wasn't sure what John did or did not know. 

John leapt out of his seat. "What!?! But how? McKay hasn't been off-world in weeks..." John was hit with a sudden thought. "Shit."

He sat back down and began to type vigorously on his computer. Ronon and Teyla jumped at John's out burst as John was usually so relaxed and laid back about nearly everything. Except when it concerned one of his own and nearly everyone knew how much John cared for Rodney. Although, since Rodney's little incident they had become distant. Most people noticed how John had become a little more snappish and less patience when dealing with just about everyone. 

John looked quickly throw his old emails, trying to find the one from Carson. At the time he had ignored it, mainly because he was upset that Rodney was still talking to Carson but not him (even though he had been upset at Rodney for nearly killing them but Rodney knew he had forgiven him...right?) and also because he had been extremely busy because of a recent discovery of old ruins that looked from the time of the Ancients. John had wanted to surprise Rodney with what might be a treasure trove of ZPM's. He knew he had been an ass to Rodney after the incident in the now nearly destroyed solar system and to be fair he had woken up an entire race bent on killing humans. He wanted to make it up to Rodney for how he had treated him. The talk with Carson had made him realize that his treatment of Rodney was going a bit too far. 

John shook himself from his thoughts as he found the email from Carson. He opened it and began reading. Ronon and Teyla felt their worry extend to John as he grow paler than normal. After five minutes of silence Ronon couldn't take the suspence anymore. "What?"

John looked up at them, still in shock at what he had read in Carson report. Teyla walked around John's desk to read whatever it was that had left John speechless. 

"To Col. Sheppard,

In my examination of Meredith Rodney McKay I have found several items of note that warrant immediate attention as the injuries in question were brought about by men under your command. Several key injuries of note are large contusions to both the upper and lower back, a fractured right tibia, a bruised kidney, and a strained right wrist. Included in this report are photographs and x-rays of the injuries mentioned and more that will be detailed later..."

Teyla couldn't read anymore. She looked at some of the photos and was horrified at the violence against her friend. Ronon listened as Teyla read aloud the report and felt sick. Both looked at John as they heard a growl escape his mouth. John had never wanted to kill anyone more than in that moment. He stood up once more and walked over to his door. "I'm going to go talk to Carson. You both are invited to find out the full story if you wish."

Ronon and Teyla didn't hesitate to follow John out and to the infirmary.

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Rodney sighed for the third time in 15 minutes. He had left the Voo-doo lab after promising Carson to return if the pain worsened again and that he would take it easy. He decided that returning to his room to sleep in his bed would probably be for the best. As he laid there his mind wandered to Teyla and her reaction to his yelp of pain. He was surprised that she had cared enough to take him to Carson but assumed that it was because she didn't want to look as if she was neglecting her duties as a person on his ex-team. He snorted at the absurd thought.

Rodney rolled onto his stomach as his back began to ache as the pain killers Carson gave him wore off. He began to drift off and had one more thought before he fell into dreamland, 'I wish it had been John...'

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John stormed into the infirmary, looking around for Carson with a determined look in his eyes. Teyla and Ronon stood behind him with the same look. Lucky for them (or unlucky as none of them saw Rodney) Carson was by the computer in the lab and seemed to be alone. Carson looked up as the doors to his infirmary opened and was shocked at seeing John, Teyla, and Ronon standing there. He felt his anger get the better of him and spoke coldly, "And what brings ye all around? If you need medical attention I'll call a nurse."

All of them were stunned at the usually nervous but happy-go-lucky doctors tone. John decided to take his chances, "Dr. Beckett, I read your report on Rodney and about the incident to led to said injuries. I need to heard first hand about Rodney's injuries and how he got them."

Carson never felt violence was the answer but there was a first time for everything. "I believe everything was detailed in my report Col."

Teyla spoke up, "Please Carson. We are concerned for Rodney's well being."

"Oh, now your all worried for the lad? What about two weeks ago in the mess when ye all just left us at the table like we had the plague? Or one week ago when I tried speaking to you Col. Sheppard about Rodney and the behavior of your men toward Rodney? Where was your worry then? And what took ye so long to get around to actually reading my report about Rodney's attack? Too busy with Kavanagh?"

Carson watched as they all seemed to realize the extent of the damage their ignorance had brought. 

Ronon spoke quietly, "Carson, we're sorry for any action that was aimed at McKay. I can only speak for myself but I forgave him weeks ago for the stupid incident. To be honest, I was more upset that he almost blow himself and Sheppard up over the stupid machine."

"I, too, apologize for my actions. I was indeed upset about the events that occurred but have been busy dealing with the problems of my people. I realize now that my actions could be interpreted as ignorant."

John wanted to fall into a hole and die a slow death. The wraith abducting him and slowly draining him to death would be less painful than knowing how his actions had hurt Rodney. He looked Carson in the eyes and spoke clearly, "There is no excuse I can give that justifies my actions over the last few weeks. After you spoke with me last I realized how my actions were beyond stupid. I woke up the wraith, Rodney blow up an empty solar system. I'm so sorry for my actions. I really was trying to make it up to him. Zelenka found what he believes is an Ancient outpost specificly designed to build and house ZPM. I was hoping to find some to bring to Rodney..."

Carson felt his anger wane a little but still knew better than to forgive right away. "I'm not the one who deserves your apologies. Rodney has suffered because of your ignorance," Carson looked dead in the eye, "Your men attacked Rodney because they felt justified. They felt that since you no longer wanted Rodney here they would make sure Rodney knew it."

John felt his jaw drop and his heart stop. 'They hurt Rodney because of me!?!'

"I never meant for my actions to cause Rodney pain."

"Sometimes our actions speak louder than words, Col."

Carson looked over the members of SGA-1 and was satisfied in the sincerity of their apologizes. "If ye are all truly sorry and want to hear what happened to Rodney then lets move to my office so we wont be disturbed."

The trio followed Carson to his office. "Take a seat. This might take a while and will not be pleasant to hear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? No, Carson hasn't forgiven them by a long shot but he does that pity on their stupidity. Please review and let me know haw it was


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that reviewed and gave kudos. Sorry for the delay, I've been super busy. Here's the next chapter that I hope you all enjoy. I decided to add another chapter after this as John is just getting started on asking for forgiveness. Please tell me what you think.

John left the medical ward feeling sick. Teyla couldn't listen to the entire explination and Ronon left with her after informing them that if he stayed he would 'hunt down the sons of bitches and murder them in the cruelest way possible.' Carson had sat them down and told them everything that had happened to Rodney and John couldn't blame Ronon for the way he felt. He, too, wanted to find the men responsible and kill them in the slowest manner possible. He knew that Ronon and Teyla would help him without hesitation. But first he needed to find Rodney and beg his forgiveness. 

'I'm such an idiot! No matter what I will make it up to Rodney.' John looked at his watch and saw it was time for dinner but from what Carson had told them he wasn't likely to find Rodney in the mess at such a busy time. John decided that his best bet was Rodney's room since Carson had given expliset instructions for complete and total rest. He took a transporter down to the living quarters and quickly made his way through the halls to his destination. He stopped in front of Rodney's room and froze. John wanted to just barge in and beg forgiveness but knew that that wasn't likely to be a big hit.

John took a deep breath and knocked, hoping that Rodney would answer and not immediately lock him out. 'Please, anyone who will listen, let Rodney hear me out. I...I can't lose anyone else I love.'

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Rodney woke up to the sound of knocking and a sore everything. The only thing not hurting was his stomach but it had given up making noise after Rodney ignored it for several days. He slowly got up and dragged his feet to the door. He worried for a second that it may be the soldiers from before but knew that they had little chance of finding out which room was his unless someone told them and since they didn't want any suspition on them they were unlikely to ask.

He again heard a knock and yelled, "Hold your horses, I'm coming. Sheesh, no one cares for weeks then all the sudden a get a visitor..."

Rodney was speechless as he opened his door to see John standing in front of him. He blinked as he thought he might be imagining him but he didn't disappear. John seemed just as shocked to see him if the widening of his eyes was any indication. Rodney looked down and saw he was only wearing a t-shirt and his boxers. He blushed but looked John straight in the eye.

"Hello Col. What warrants an appearance by the lead military officer?"

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John wanted to flinch at Rodney's tone but knew he deserved it. He wanted to grab Rodney and pull him close. He wanted to never let go and promise him that no more pain would ever be inflicted on him ever again. But he didn't do any of that. John knew he was wasn't even on ice anymore. He was in the ocean with no life boat and drowning quick.

"Rodney, I...I spoke with Carson. God, there is no excuse for my actions. I'm so sorry...no sorry doesn't cover it. I've been a bastard these past few weeks. I...I won't make excuses. That first week I was pissed. I wanted to scream at you for what had happened," John saw the way Rodney flinched and hurried up with his explaniation, "But not for what you think! I was pissed because you almost killed yourself for a stupid machine. You, the smartest man in two galaxies, almost died and I couldn't deal with that. I let my anger get the better of me and I took it out on you. Carson made me realize a week ago what an ass I was and I wanted to make it up to you with a surprise. I didn't realize that by keeping my distance was only hurting you further. I'm so sorry, please understand I never meant to cause you pain. And I swear that the men who hurt you with pay for what they have done."

Rodney wanted to laugh, cry, rant, and scream at the man in front of him. For three weeks he had been abandoned by his so-called team, for three weeks he had been putting up with abuse because of John's attitude toward him, for three weeks he thought he was hated. "You're sorry? Sorry!?! I've been beaten because of you and your attitude. For three weeks I've had to put up with people passing me in the halls and completely ignoring me. What's worse? You added Kavanagh to your team! Kavanagh! And you didn't mean to cause me pain!?! You self-centered, moronic, lazy, no-good..."

John cut Rodney off by closing the distance between them and kissing him. He didn't want their first kiss like this but he couldn't listen to Rodney's voice become so disparate the longer he talked. He felt Rodney freeze as he pulled him close but knew that if he let go he would lose Rodney. John let his tongue slip into Rodney's mouth and map out the different contours he hoped to one day become familiar with. Rodney responded hesitatingly but allowed himself a few moments of pleasure before reality set in and he pulled away from John completely. Rodney backed up further into his room and John quickly followed. As the doors closed behind John he knew that one wrong move and he would lose Rodney. The kiss had already pushed Rodney and John decided that the ball was in Rodney's court.

Rodney made sure to stay several feet from John as his mind raced with the kiss they had just shared. 'W-what was that!?! A kiss!?! Now!?! I..I..'

Rodney snapped his head up to look at John, fury blazing in his eyes. "Is this some kind of joke to you!?! You ignored me for three weeks then just decide to come to my room, give me no good reason to trust you, and thought that kissing me would fix everything! Well guess what, it doesn't! Get out! Get out and just...just leave me alone."

By the end of his mini rant Rodney felt drained and just wanted to jump into bed and cry out his frustrations. John reached out, his heart breaking as the man he loves breaks in front of him. "Rodney..."

Rodney shook his head, "Please John, just leave."

John felt the world shift. He wanted to beg, cry, gravel, whatever to get Rodney to realize that he was sorry and he would make it up to him. But he knew that he couldn't push it. He brought his hand back to his side and turned to the door. As John made his way to exit, he paused in the doorway. He faced Rodney once more and spoke with resolve coating every word, "I will make it up to you Rodney. If it takes a hundred years I will show you how sorry I truly am."

John left and made it way to the transporter. He had work to do and nothing was going to stop him.

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Rodney stared at the door John had left from. Tears left his eyes and he refused to acknowledge them. He moved to his bed and laid down, dragging the covers over his head. He didn't know what to do, the Daedalus would be there in a few days and he could leave. But now he felt conflicted. Rodney sighed and decided to deal with everything tomorrow after a good nights rest. He closed his eyes and within a minute was fast asleep, exhaustion finally catching up.

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The next morning Rodney woke up feeling a little more refreshed then he had in a long time. He decided a shower was in order then breakfast. 'People be damned. I'm hungry and dammit I'm gonna eat.'

After a nice hot shower, Rodney made his way to the mess hall. He didn't bring his PDA for fear that he would meet with the goons but was happy to note that they didn't appear anywhere in sight. He entered the cafeteria and saw Carson in line. He made a bee line to him. "Good morning Dr. Voo-Doo. Any new spells to try today?"

Carson yelped at the sudden appearance of Rodney but was glad to note that Rodney seemed a little better than yesterday. Maybe the talk with Col. Sheppard had gone better than expected. "Good morning lad. No, no new brews today. I'll let you know if we need a test subject if we do."

"Haha, very funny Beckett. Did you ever think of do stand up with those jokes of yours?"

As the two friends continued to converse they grabbed their food and made their way to an empty table by the windows. They sat down and began to eat in silence when Teyla and Ronon joined them. The two doctors gave them startled looks.

"Forgive the intrustion but we wished to speak to you both. We wish to apologize for our behavior, I myself did not realize I had been ignoring you Rodney. My only excuse is that my some of my people became violently ill and I had to attend to them. I realize now that my behavior came off as ignorance but I truly did not mean to ignore you. I was upset at your actions but realized that you were only trying to give us a weapon that the wraith stood no chance against. Please forgive me as I meant you no harm."

Rodney was quiet for a moment, "I get it. I'm not saying its forgotten but your forgiven. Carson told me a bit about what was going on with your people. I hope their okay."

Teyla felt a bit littler knowing Rodney had forgiven her. She know Rodney wouldn't forget anytime soon but it was a start. Ronon grunted to bring attention to himself. "...'M sorry, too. I was mad that you nearly killed yourself and Sheppard over a stupid weapon but I get it. I want the wraith dead more than anything. No excuse as to why I haven't seen you. We're not that close and you usually seek me if you have a question so sorry."

Rodney nodded at Ronon, knowing that the giant was right. They weren't close and Ronon followed John's orders as far as what their missions were and with who. He hadn't been there long enough to really realize that Rodney usually went on all of SGA-1's missions as the scientist. "True. Again, forgiven, not forgotten."

The air around the group seemed to get lighter after that and they began to talk to one another. Rodney wondered about John but decided not to go down that train of thought. Maybe later Rodney would seek him out but for now he was gonna enjoy this moment with three of the people he thought of as family.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? Kudos are always welcomed and reviews are helpful.


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